Self Esteem. This self-help topic is appearing on an "improve-your-family-life" blog because I firmly believe the way you feel about yourself influences your relationships deeply. I know it affects my relationship with my husband, family, friends and acquaintances in many aspects.
I don't claim to have perfect self-esteem. Quite the opposite, actually. To cite just one instance, I ran a half-marathon in October 2012, and I stayed awake crying until about 1 or 2 am the night before simply because I was going to have to run in daylight with a whole bunch of thin people who ran faster than me, looked better than me, had better clothes, better technique, etc. Don't worry...the experience ended up being a long, but good one, and I was grateful I did it.
Because I've struggled with this, though, I can tell you what really has helped me. The things I've found are surprisingly universal.
Question: How does one obtain and maintain self esteem?
Answer: Service, good music, exercise, eating well and sleep.
This may seem odd, so let me explain.
Service
This is the biggest in my mind. Service can be simple; it's not something you need to devote a ton of time or money to. Find something that you can do for your spouse, your siblings, your children, your neighbor down the street, the random person in front of you at the check-out aisle of the grocery store, etc. Whether you like them or not, even a heartfelt (POSITIVE) note will not only propel forward your feelings about yourself, it will also bring you closer to the person you give it to.
There are many low self esteem scripts that are fixed through service. Among them are:
1. My life isn't worth anything
Helping others lets you realize that you can make a difference. You can see/feel a change, whether momentary or long-lasting. Someone with the power to change like that has a life that is worth something.
2. No one likes me
If this is real, it's amazing what a sincere act of service will do to change others' attitude about you. If this is simply something you tell yourself, enough acts of service will bring smiles and kind words from others, and you'll see that this is not correct.
3. I'm fat, ugly, etc.
There is a chance that you might be overweight and unhealthy, in which exercise and healthy eating is most likely the answer. However, if you simply do not have the "ideal look" (which is something that changes slightly every decade, and largely every century, so it's dumb that we spend so much energy on it), it's amazing how much we put aside when we're anxiously engaged in a good cause. The importance of your looks goes to the back of your mind when you're focused on helping others in any way you can.
Good Music
Something about a beat will drive a message home, quickly and clearly, whether it's a positive message or a negative one. Even if you don't specifically focus on the words in songs, any music that focuses of self-degradation or degradation of others is harmful. The underlying meanings weasel their way through, no matter what. Although I personally enjoy many Christian bands, you don't have to listen to Christian rock to find good music. There are other popular artists out there that get it, too. Some suggestions off the top of my head:
"Hall of Fame" - The Script and will. i. am.
"She Will be Loved" - Maroon 5
"Don't you Worry Child" - Swedish House Mafia
"Good Life" - OneRepublic (radio edit version)
"Radioactive" - Imagine Dragons
“What Makes you Beautiful” - One Direction
"Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)" - Kelly Clarkson
"Skyscraper" - Demi Lovato
"Firework" - Katy Perry
"Who Says" - Selena Gomez
And so on and so forth.
Exercise
Even if you don't lose as much weight or look as good as you might want to, exercising brings endorphins that MAKE YOU HAPPIER!!!! Walking/stairs/a few sit-ups or push-ups are great ways to start if you don't want to go running every day or spend a ton of money on an aerobics class or gym membership. There are also workout videos of different lengths and levels on YouTube. Exercising also helps you to curb junk food cravings, which brings us to the next step..........
Eating healthy
This can be hard and expensive, but so is eating unhealthy!!! Even simple changes make a difference - drink more water, drink milk or juice instead of soda, spend money on a chicken salad instead of a huge burger, etc. You can often tell how healthy you eat by what food you crave. Don't get frustrated if salad sounds gross at first. After a few plates of it (or some other healthy dish) it will get better. The reason this helps self-esteem is straightforward. When your body feels good, your mood and thought process is better.
Sleep
This is important for both genders, but was recently discovered to be especially important for women (feel free to look that up on the internet). Regular sleep schedules are more important than longer sleep schedules. Something about constantly changing when you go to bed/wake up throws the body off whack, and emotions often follow. Exact amounts of sleep needed change with each age range, individual, and level of stress/sickness. You'll have to figure out the specifics.
These might sound stupid, but try it this week. You'll be surprised what might happen, not only in your own life, but in the lives of those you interact with every day.
* * *
I must note that chronic depression is a very real thing. The above list will help relieve symptoms of depression at all levels, and will probably chase away mild depression completely. However, if you diligently try this for a few weeks, and don’t notice much of an improvement or have recurring suicidal thoughts, I encourage you to see a psychologist or psychiatrist. The right therapy and/or medication will help immensely in these cases.
