Sorry to everyone for being late this week!
These past couple of weeks I have been privileged to be a part of presentations on research within psychology. Topics from rehabilitation for pedophiles, the psychological impact of video games (violent and non-violent), the cycle of eating disorders, the impact of self-esteem in marriage, my own: doorways to prostitution, and many others. At the end of almost every single presentation, as the presenter and audience spoke about their opinions on what preventative/rehabilitative measures should be taken, one thing was almost always discussed: strengthening families, particularly in the examples parents need to set for their children.
This point was really driven home while I was volunteering at a local juvenile detention center last week. There is an adolescent male there who was convicted of multiple counts of sexual offense, something which his family claimed was a shock. This crime is something which is devastating, and unfortunately commonly introduced by a family member or another trusted adult early on in a child’s life. We were thus not surprised when the father of this family was arrested this past week, and his house searched. Your children pay attention to what you do. You are their teachers.
Thus, this week I am talking about 3 things I believe every child should learn from their parents. Children must be taught to work honestly, play hard, and apologize quickly.
1. Teach your children to work honestly.
There are two large cycles in America that scare me. One is the cycle of crime. The other is the cycle of welfare dependence. I had someone close to me describe welfare as the downfall of America. While I believe there are those who truly do need and are grateful for welfare, there are many, many others who take advantage of the money, using it as a reason not to work. This hurts many others, especially their children, who learn that work is just something for those who can’t get enough welfare/charity to live on.
I have watched many friends and family members struggle through financial troubles as I was growing up; something which was difficult for me to watch and understand. I just wanted to give them money to help them. My parents taught me an important lesson, though. They taught me that while giving is wonderful, teaching skills and creating jobs is even better. I can remember my parents employing people in many ways in my home, and then having us work at the same time, often right alongside them; thus teaching their own children to work while helping others be self-sufficient.
I also have a poignant memory of watching the garbage man pick up our garbage one day, and remarking to my parents that I would never want that job--it would be the worst in the world. They replied that, although it wasn't very pleasant, they were grateful for the garbage man, and that it was wonderfully honest work that he could feel good about at the end of each day. That is a lesson that has stuck with me. Any honest work, even if it’s unpleasant and doesn't pay well, is good work.
Parents, please teach your children how to work. Even if you are retired or out of work yourself, get out and weed the garden with them. Teach them how to do chores, and do them with them. Serve that elderly neighbor. Help them to organize their closet or make a bread/lemonade stand. Talk about education’s role in their future. Talk about what a resume/job interview is and how to do them well. Describe the excitement of getting your first job, and the freedom/satisfaction that came with that. Show a love for work, even if you have to fake it. It’ll eventually come.
2. Teach your children to play hard.
This may seem odd, as every child knows how to play. Actually, I am becoming more and more convinced that children are losing the wonderful ability to play. How? Through video games, watching TV, and unlimited access to the internet. Their lives are becoming more virtual than real. I know many of you may be exhausted, overworked parents who go straight from full-time work to full-time diaper duty/homicide prevention. You can still do it. Even if it’s just once a week, plan a day or a night where you get together and do something. My family did this by having a short discussion, activity and treat every Monday night, and an occasional outing on Saturday.
Stumped for what to do? Some ideas for cheap things to do with children:
- Go for a hike
- Have relay races in the backyard/a park
- A scavenger hunt. The internet has GREAT ideas for scavenger hunts.
- Visit a museum
- Mud pie/snowman making competition
- Rock art creations
- Poetry made out of dry alphabet noodles/cereals
- Reading together
- Film a music video (crazy costumes a must)
- Have a dance party
- Make cookies
- Make pancake creations/eat them (Mickey mouse, hearts, flowers, etc.)
- Make a blanket/cardboard box fort and eat a snack in it
- Make popcorn balls
- Go biking
- Have a timed spoon-on-the-nose/how many spoons can you get to stick to your face competition
- Make collages out of magazine photos/drawings/newspaper articles
- Make pictures out of old make-up materials; grass, rocks, dirt, twigs, etc.; shredded paper, etc.
- Make a time capsule and bury it in the backyard/seal it in a can and put it somewhere where it won’t be in the way, but you’ll remember in....however long you set it for.
- Make pb&j’s, buy water bottles, and hand them out to homeless people downtown. This requires caution, but will be a fantastically memorable experience.
........you can probably think of many more things to do, and the internet has even more!!!
3. Teach your children to apologize.
One thing I really appreciated about my parents is that they knew how to apologize. I have many memories of arguments where my mother or father would come back, often within just a few minutes, and apologize for blowing things out of proportion, not letting me talk enough, etc. and then sit and listen to me. My father would sometimes apologize mid-sentence, realizing that as soon as his blood got hot, he was going to start something that wouldn't end well. Because of this, arguments were usually quickly stopped by them or me the only way arguments stop well--with a quiet apology, and a kind request to hear the other side.
They let me know that, like me, they were human. If I thought a punishment was unfair, they asked what they should have done instead, then asked if I honestly thought my new solution/punishment would work and why. My solution was often overruled, but it made me think about how difficult I was being, and I often saw the other side more clearly than before.
As always, I hope this week’s post was helpful and insightful. I would love to read about things that you've learned from your experiences!
P.S. This is unrelated, but while writing this blog, I was listening to this song over and over again. I have a love for many cover artists I find on YouTube and elsewhere, and this is a truly beautiful and touching rendition of “We Found Love.” I recommend watching the video, too.
